I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.