My keyboard must be broken, I've been hitting 'Escape' for hours and I'm still at work.
An expert in a meeting is like a unicorn in a zoo; I've heard stories, but I'm starting to doubt their existence.
Work: where you trade your smile for an employee badge and hope they give it back by Friday.
Home is where the WiFi connects automatically. Work is where the WiFi is as slow as a snail on a leisurely stroll.
If each day is a 'gift,' can we return Mondays? Asking for a friend.
I'd like my job more if it was in my job description to not work.
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else when things go south.
Coffee has become less of a beverage and more of a support system.
Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.
My favorite work activity is pretending to write an email while really strategizing what to eat for lunch.
If I got a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy.
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of coffee.
If stress burned calories, my job would make me a supermodel.
"Go to work," they said, "It'll be fun," they said. And yet, the fun remains undetected.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...and the office printer.
There should be a calorie count for how energetically I jump to conclusions at work.
May your coffee be strong and Monday be short. Oops, wishful thinking again.
My daily to-do list: Get up, survive, go back to bed.
I'm not running behind at work, I'm just early for tomorrow.
Work is where I sadly part ways with my bed and my sweatpants judge me for it.
Performance review: Works well under pressure... of knowing the boss might walk by any minute now.
The office is a magical place where minutes feel like hours and snacks disappear in seconds.
I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.
If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap, and easy at lunchtime.
Motivation is a mysterious creature; it arrives at 5 pm on a Friday and leaves with your alarm on Monday morning.
My career is somewhere between a professional marathon runner and a couch potato enthusiast.
The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
Monday has been canceled due to a lack of interest. We appreciate your understanding.
In search of my lost energy and enthusiasm. Last seen on Friday night.
I'm in a very committed relationship with the snooze button until about five minutes before I have to log in to work.
Why do today what you can put off till your next annual review?
My job is a test of how long I can endure without accessing social media.
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success as staying under the radar.
Some days, my favorite part of the job is that the chair spins.
