Funny Quotes About Life: A Collection of Humorous Observations and Chuckles

Life is what happens when you're busy scrolling through memes.

I'm not running away from my problems. I'm just on the treadmill of life for a bit too long.

Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted for a reason.

I'm not lazy. I'm just on energy-saving mode.

They say good things take time. That's why I'm usually late.

Life is like a sewer... you get out of it what you put into it.

Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Why be difficult? With just a little more effort, you can be impossible.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze them into the eyes of your enemy.

"Seize the day." But if the day is too big, feel free to just grab a little piece of it.

Life is the art of drawing without an eraser, which explains a lot.

Whoever said nothing is impossible obviously hasn't tried stapling water to a tree.

The only time I hit the gym is when the Wi-Fi is down.

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.

I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.

Dusting is a good example of something I won't do today but might consider doing tomorrow.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. Hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.

People say I'm indecisive. But I don't know about that.

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

I'm not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time!

The early bird can have the worm because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.

Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.

They say don't try this at home...so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

I need a six-month vacation, twice a year.

If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a troll?

My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you're able to fall asleep right now.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.

The only thing I've learned from going to weddings is that they're a good place to practice photobombing.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes.

To avoid taking a risk is to risk even more.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If we're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

Remember, if you're headed in the wrong direction, life considers every turn to be right.

I am not lazy, I am on power saving mode.

Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?

Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.

I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.

Some days I amaze myself. Other days I look for my phone while I'm holding it.

My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?

Adulting is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.

Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.

I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Life is a one-time offer, use it well. Or at least make up a good story about how you used it.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Do not take life too seriously. You will not get out alive.

Remember, when life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousand followers on your meme page.

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote.

I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true.

You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.

An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.

Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.

Sign at the pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

Today's forecast: lazy with a 90% chance of Netflix.

The best things in life are actually really expensive.

I’m not saying you’re old, but if you were milk, I’d smell you before I poured you on my cereal.

They say you are what you eat, but it's funny, because I don't remember eating a legendary icon.

You have to be odd to be number one.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.

If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?

Mirrors can't talk, lucky for you they can't laugh either.

Some days, the best thing about the job is that the chair spins.

Someday you'll go far, and I hope you stay there.

I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman, I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.