Corny Jokes

Aretha Johnson
I hope these jokes plant a grin on your face :)
6 min read

Why did the horse trip over? It couldn't giddy-up in time!

Ever tried to listen to a pterodactyl in the restroom? You can’t, because the "P" is silent!

A balanced horse? Call it Stable.

Ever met an upset carrot? It was steamed!

Polar bears keep their money in a snow bank, didn't you know?

To make an egg-roll, just give it a little push!

Without bees, bears would just be ears!

A pile of kittens? That's a meowtain!

Why do cows have bells? Their horns are broken!

The poor bicycle fell over, it was two tired.

When the triangle spoke to the circle, it said, "You’re pointless."

Boiling water will be mist.

Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

I bought a chicken and an egg online. The race is on to see what comes first.

Cinderella was terrible at soccer, she kept running away from the ball!

In court, lawyers wear lawsuits.

Elves go to school to learn the elf-abet!

King David’s temple was right beside his ear.

One toilet said to the other, "You look a bit flushed."

How do you light up a soccer stadium? With a soccer match.

When corn gets a compliment, it says, "Aw, shucks!"

A poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle differ by a tire.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick coming your way.

Sprinters eat nothing before a race. They fast.

Frogs have endless lives, they croak every day!

The fish’s grades plummeted. They were below sea level.

Forrest Gump’s password is 1forrest1.

A fish without an eye is just a fsh.

Broken pencils are pointless to write with.

A pig that practices karate is a pork chop.

A garbage truck has four wheels and flies.

During a race, one tomato said to the other, "Ketchup!"

You can’t trust the king of the jungle, he’s always lion.

One wall said to the other, "I’ll meet you at the corner."

Sea monsters eat fish and ships for lunch.

A sad strawberry is just a blue berry.

Why do pirates love their life? They just ARRRR!

Throwing a space party? Remember to planet.

Seagulls fly over the sea because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

Cows are avid readers of cattle-logs.

Lost an electron? Keep an ion it!

Clouds wear thunder pants under their shorts!

It takes ten-tickles to make an octopus laugh.

Zero complimented eight, saying "Nice belt."

Hipsters burn their tongue because they drink coffee before it's cool.

The drummer named her twin daughters Anna 1 and Anna 2.

Lettuce told celery to quit stalking it!

A small, red vegetable with a rough voice is a hoarse raddish.

Mushrooms are always at parties because they are fungi.

Never tell secrets in a cornfield. Too many ears around!

Bad sailors get lost at “C” when learning the alphabet.

Cheese that isn't yours is nacho cheese.

Cold spies go undercover.

The moon cuts his hair during an eclipse.

Computers overheat when they can’t vent their problems.

Scarecrows are always outstanding in their field.

Athletes get athlete’s foot, but elves get mistle-toes.

What's brown and sticky? A stick on a muddy day.

Sad coffee is just a cup of depresso.

The telephone proposed with a ring.

Cucumbers tell pickles, "You mean a great dill to me."

Melons can't marry, they cantaloupe.

Heard about the butter rumor? I'm not spreading it!

A snowman’s tantrum is just a meltdown waiting to happen.

Stairs go up and down but never move.

The cookie checked into the hospital because it felt crumby.

A janitor jumped out of the closet and yelled, "Supplies!"

Crossing a fish with an elephant gets you swimming trunks.

The rubber band worker said, "Oh snap" when he got fired.

A nose can't be 12 inches long or it would be a foot.

The belt went to jail for holding up a pair of pants.

Generals keep their armies in their sleevies.

A magician without magic is just Ian.

Golfers carry extra pants in case they get a hole in one.

Yoga instructors say, "Namaste" when they face eviction.

Rabbits fly by hare-planes.

Sleeping dinosaurs are dino-snores.

Kids stock up on yeast to make some dough.

The football coach demanded his quarterback from the broken vending machine.

Ironing an elephant is impossible, that’s why they're wrinkly.

The cake threatened the fork, "You want a piece of me?"

Cats end fights by hissing and making up.

A jammed strawberry is a tearful berry.

Newspapers are black, white, and read all over.

Barbers win races because they know the shortcuts.

When 50 Cent got hungry, he became 58 Cent.

In a game of tag, one nut said to the other, "I’ll cashew."

An old man fell in a well because he couldn't see that well.

Peter Pan is always flying because he Neverlands.

Astronomers aren't fans of Orion’s Belt. It’s a big waist of space.

A hippie’s wife? Mississippi.

Peppers excel in archery because they habanero aim!

Distinguishing a bull from a cow is a matter of one or the udder!

One plate told the other, "Dinner is on me!"

Hummingbirds hum because they forget the lyrics.

The cat ate the cheese and waited for the mouse with baited breath.

Florists lead a blooming lifestyle!

A calf told a cow, “Moo-ve over, I’m pasture bedtime!”

Sunflowers always look on the bright side.

The monster said to Frankenstein, "You’re shocked? I’m bolted!"

An explorer’s favorite fruit is Navel oranges.

The duck said to the bartender, "Put it on my bill."

The computer crashed because it had a bad driver.

A pilot’s favorite flavor is plane vanilla.

You know a tree is dog’s best friend, right? It always barks.

Peas pass their exams with flying pod colors.

An alphabet soup contest? That’s just a vowel competition.

A cactus and a computer shared a sharp connection.

Lying books have false covers.

The broccoli wanted to go to the party, but it was steamed!

An educated dog barks at a higher degree.

Rats love to tell mouse-ellaneous tales!

A clockmaker’s favorite dance is the tick-tock.

A wallflower’s favorite pet is a wallaby.

An introverted cat hides in the mouse's den.

Carrots don’t lie, they are always rooted in truth!

Frogs are never lonely because they come with built-in croakies!

A calf at the coffee shop asked for a de-calf coffee.

What do you call a bear stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear.

The scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field!

What's an egg’s favorite tree? Yolk-tree!

PUBLISHED: Sep 22, 2023
Written By
Aretha Johnson
Passionate storyteller and lyricist, I'm Aretha — capturing life's moments, one verse at a time. ✌️
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